So, my birthday is tomorrow. I’ll be twenty six years old. When I was seventeen I just knew I’d have my whole life together by 25. Then, 25 happened. I’m pretty sure on midnight of my 25th birthday I was walking around DC intoxicated eating a quesadilla. Anyway the point is, it wasn’t all together. I had just finished graduate school and was moving back to my hometown to start the job hunt. It was a hard time. Someone very close to me was sick, I had gained weight, and I kept getting that email. You know the email. “While your resume was very competitive, we regret to inform you.” You get it, please don’t make me finish it. But soon enough I was offered a job. It was in television, and just forty minutes away from home. Was it my dream job? Heck no, but it definitely paid the bills and it was media related, like I wanted. However, that’s not what made me the happiest. The happiest was my family. I’ve lived out of state pretty much since I turned eighteen and I’d forgotten how being at home makes me feel. I can unapologetically say laying on my parents bed talking about my plans for the future and/or explaining the dynamics of the Kardashians and Blacc Chyna makes me beyond happy. Not to mention, this was the first summer in years that I got to spend with my sister. We talked about our goals, relationships, and love for chipotle. She also was with me every time I filmed Ask Now and always gave me feedback on scripts. I’m not the girl who wants to be away from her family. I’m the one who wants to be wrapped around them.
But then August hit. I looked at “Family Book” aka Facebook. All I saw were weddings and babies being born. I looked at Instagram and saw so many of my peers living in places like LA or NY and living their dreams, and that familiar feeling came back. Why am I still single? Am I not doing enough professionally? People who really know me are aware that I can’t turn off my mind. Like literally, when I sleep my dreams are even super vivid. There are so many stories inside of me that I’d like to share and create. The closer 26 came the more I realized I’m not telling them all.
Then, I realized something. Life is short, and I forced that moment to pass. I lost two people close to me this year. While it hurts that I will never see their face again. I feel their spirit. I’m learning to make myself follow rules, not only for me but for others who love me. Be unapologetic. Be you. Spend time with people you love. Be happy. Take risks. Trust the Creator’s timing. Believe in love. Be creative not combative.
God will allow everything to work out if you live every day like this, with purpose. So that’s what I’m gonna try to do this year. There may be days I need wine, a netflix binge day, or a hug.
But, I will give it all my all. I owe it to myself and the people who love me.
— <3 @askKirbyCarroll